How to Fight Anxiety, Overwhelm, Hopelessness, and Anger! How to Build a Toolbox to Equip You for Battle
Do you find yourself struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, depression, feeling stuck, YOU NAME IT, all throughout your day? Do you struggle to know how to fight those intrusive thoughts that lead you to anger, hopelessness, and worry? We ALL have some of these things we face on a daily basis!
In order to not get taken down we have to be equipped to fight! In this blog post, I am sharing what is in my toolbox, so I am ready for these battles whenever they come - whether big or small. Come lean in and get yourself ready for battle!
Before we get into that I want to introduce myself. My name is Brittany, I am wife, mom of 3 littles, church leader, and Marriage and Family Therapist turned coach. I run the Morning Mama Podcast where I get to help moms heal their minds and spirits so they can live the motherhood they were made for.
This toolbox can be used for any hard moment you are facing whether big or small. I am going to share what mine was during my newborn season and you can modify it and build your own.
Painting the picture for the season that I was in…
When I had my third son in late 2022, I had a little bit of feeding issues and naps and sleeping was a nightmare. It all made me spiral and get triggered so easily. I found myself in those moments of getting triggered fighting this spiral my brain was naturally trying to go to. I was using my pain and peace cycles from restoration theory.
If you want to learn more about this, listen to episodes 15-20. It helps you gain clarity on why you do what you do when you get triggered. Our brains can get triggered by the littlest things like putting a newborn to sleep. You probably see this in your own life. Anything during the day can derail us because if our core pain gets triggered it’s going to spiral us into our pain cycle.
An example with me putting my newborn to sleep was I was feeling out of control because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know why he was crying. I wasn’t sure if something was wrong with him, I was missing time with my other kids, I hadn’t even showered or taken care of myself today, I needed to put the dishes away, etc.
Then I get frustrated, hopeless, and helpless. Is this what it has come to? Is this my life now and this is how it’s going to be? Am I even good enough? Am I not even a good enough mom that I don't even know how to put this baby to sleep? This is just a glimpse of what was going on in my brain in a matter of seconds. Do you struggle with this? Do you ever find yourself shifting and drifting away from God’s truth and away from peace and joy? Sometimes this happens without us even realizing it.
Normally for me I can feel it in my body. Normally I spiral down even more and get angry and start blaming others for the situation. For example, my son who made a noise or my husband who isn’t even home.
1.Restoration Theory
This leads me to the first tool in the toolbox and it is learning your 4 steps to get out of this negative spiral. This is something we go deep into in the Pain to Peace Academy. First, you name what you are feeling and what you usually would do in return. The next step is speaking the truth about the situation and then say what you are going to do instead.
This is what it would look like for me in this situation with my newborn:
I feel out of control.
I usually get angry.
The truth is that no matter what, I have choices.
Instead of getting angry, I am going to relax and trust that God will give me the strength for this situation.
Saying these 4 steps out loud, even whispering it in the dark, helps your brain regulate, settle down and get back to a regulated state. The 5th secret step is doing what you say you are going to do and focus on the good.
That’s where these next tools in the toolbox come in.
2. Songs
Having worship music on and worshiping throughout your day can change the atmosphere wherever you're at. This was hard to do while trying to get a newborn to go to sleep, but I have listened and sang to these songs so much they are ingrained in my spirit and started bubbling up. Without even thinking they would pop in my head. I have 4 core songs that were crucial during this time. Here are the songs and some of the lyrics that I would sing.
Honey in the Rock (Brandon Lake, Brooke Fraser, and Passion)
“There's honey in the rock, water in the stone
Manna on the ground, no matter where I go
I don't need to worry now that I know
Everything I need You've got
There's honey in the rock”
God, in the middle of the hardest things, will always provide for us. I can remember that in the middle of the newborn season (or any season you are facing for that matter) God is providing, God is good, and I have everything I need no matter how hard it is. In the middle of it all I knew I still had enough.
Cornerstone (Hillsong Worship)
“Christ alone, cornerstone
Weak made strong,
in the savior's love
Through the storm
He is lord, lord of all
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name”
I love this song. I will often find moments where everything is so perfect with the sun shining, the food is great, and the family is wonderful. These moments are good and it is great to soak these up, however we cannot put our hope in these moments. If you put your hope in people or things, your hope will come crashing to the ground and you don’t have hope anymore. I find myself so easily falling into this.
This song has brought me back to this reminder that the things that God does in my life are not where my hope lies. My hope is not in an outcome, or an answered prayer. My hope is in Jesus and what he has done. No matter what my life looks like and no matter the circumstances that lie before me I can always have hope because I always have him and nothing can take that away from me. I have to remind myself of this by singing this song. Jesus is the only one that gets me through and I am strong in Him. He is overseeing all of the storm and he is there.
God you’re so good (Kristian Stanfill and Passion)
“God, you’re so good
God, you’re so good
God, you’re so good
You’re so good to me”
This song is so simple, but so good. I sing this song a lot when I am confused or not knowing what to do or frustrated. I just start singing this. It shifts my heart and gets me back in alignment with God and the peace that he provides us.
Firm Foundation (Maverick City Music)
“Christ is my firm foundation
The rock on which I stand
When everything around me’s shaking
I’ve never been more glad
That I put my faith in Jesus
He’s never let me down
He’s faithful through generations
So why would he fail now?
He won’t”
This last song is a newer one, but so good! The verse “When everything around me’s shaking, I’ve never been more glad” culture would say that it does not make sense, but God is countercultural. When the moments come that are shaky and everything is falling apart, that is when I am reminded of God's goodness.
A hard season can last long and the battle is long. We must find ourselves praising in those moments. We are at a crossroads during those moments and we have a choice to either go down this path of discouragement and feeling the overwhelm or we are reminded of what we have like our salvation, that can never be taken away from us. We are reminded of God’s goodness that surrounds us wherever we go.
Sometimes I find myself rejoicing the most in these hard seasons because I feel His goodness is good no matter what. Remember that Christ is our rock, He has a firm foundation that never is shaken and we can always stand firm on Him because He will never let us down no matter what. Even if a prayer didn’t get answered the way you want, that is not Him letting you down. Just wait. He has stuff coming and He will not let you down. He has never come short.
3. Verses
Another tool for our toolkit is having Bible verses memorized and ready to be used. We know that the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God, which is the Bible, is our one offensive weapon in our spiritual battles that we face. When we talk about the armor of God, all are to protect and be on the defense, but the sword of the spirit is an offensive weapon that is used to fight. God’s word is literally a sword.
We need to have these verses in our heart, memorized. We need to sit and ponder these verses, have them on your phone, put on the mirrors. The verses I have to share are so crucial and we need these. You probably have heard these before. I memorized these when I was a kid and have these ingrained on my heart from reading and saying these over the years.
In the middle of the newborn season these verses helped keep me grounded. When I was in the dark nursery trying to get my baby to sleep I would get super triggered and feel myself spiraling into these negative thought patterns which turned into anger and blame. I would all of a sudden be awakened to that and say “No!” and I would stop that and shift my mindset. Something in my spirit would rise up and take over and the Holy Spirit within me used things that I had stored inside me throughout my lifetime.
If you are new to your faith this should not discourage you by any means. You are in the perfect place and God has found you in the perfect timing and you now get to begin this journey of storing these things in your heart. Maybe you will have to work a little harder, but that is ok. God is going to give you everything you need to do that. When you take the time to invest in your spirit, which means spending time with God and His word then this will happen for you as well. The Holy Spirit takes over for you.
These are the 3 verses that I would go to in the nursery:
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”
When I was super frustrated and feeling hopeless and defeated I would keep repeating this till my attitude, my heart, and my mind believed it and was aligned with it. I sounded like a parrot, but I wouldn't stop till I believed it. It is a great one to memorize. It is simple and powerful.
Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
This verse is one that I cling to when I start to worry. Whenever I am feeling anxious I stop and go to this verse. This one is so crucial for me. Sometimes I feel like I need to worry. But, there is a big difference between problem solving and using wisdom or just worrying.
Worrying is thinking of the worst case scenarios, spiraling out of control, and constantly thinking “what if?” or “am I doing this right?” and it is not trusting that God is going to lead you, guide you, protect you, and watch over all of the details. It is not trusting that He is in control of all things and has a bigger plan for you.
I have to often remember that I never need to be anxious or worried. It is not helpful or useful. I can throw it out entirely because it is not of God. The alternative is to pray and wait for God and be thankful. I will say “God, I believe you are in the middle of this. God, I believe you are going to show me what to do. God, help this situation. God, thank you for your goodness here and that I can trust you.” I pray with authority and thanksgiving that God is going to take over this.
My worry is not going to help. That helps me all day long. With doing this so much, I often do not worry and if I do battle it, I know exactly what to do. Through different seasons and challenges it can be more challenging, but I always have my battle plan ready.
James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
This is crucial. It reminds me that in the middle of this I always have a choice. That is to either be negative, feel hopeless, worry, grumble and blame OR I can choose joy. I can believe that God is working on something bigger in this situation that I can see right now.
I can choose to be thankful for what God is already doing in my life and in this situation. Joy doesn't necessarily mean happiness. Some situations it is hard to be happy. But, I can feel the joy of the Lord and His strength and his assurance. I feel the joy deep in me because He is working all of these things for my good and I have everything I need.
These situations produce perseverance. I can better embrace the situation at hand and not fight against it so much and want to get rid of it and be so frustrated that it is there. I actually need it there because God is doing something through it and is doing something in me through this situation. I hope whatever situation you are in, you can be reminded of that God is using it.
Some other quick phrases I will use that are not Bible verses, but they help my mind and support the Bible are:
This too shall pass.
Most situations in life will not last forever, like my baby won’t be a baby forever. The season will be over and it is not forever. We do live in a broken world and in certain situations some things may not end until heaven and living in eternity with Jesus.
The best is yet to come.
God definitely talks about this in the Bible and God says He will do more than we can ask or imagine. He has so much good coming for us. The best part of my life is still before me. There is so much more good coming! It is great to start every day with this mindset.
Maybe it’s a bad day, but then you have another day! The more that you sit with God and read the bible and get comfortable with His voice, the more you can experience that joy when you are sitting with Him and having that time with Him.
4. Bigger Perspective
The next tool is looking at the bigger perspective. When you are in the middle of a situation that is frustrating you can take a step back and ask yourself these questions:
What is God doing in me through this situation?
What fruit is going to come out of this?
What am I going to gain from this?
The fruit that comes from these difficult situations can be so amazing and beautiful. He can only transform you if you submit to Him. Instead of grumbling through this situation we have to turn to Him and rely on Him. All of our needs can be met through Him. This grumbling and getting angry will affect me in that moment, but it also can affect me at a higher level.
The trial that I am facing He is wanting to use to work inside of me and change me. When I do not choose to allow Him to do that I am also missing the good in the future for what God wants to produce in me. I don’t want to miss these lessons and I want to be transformed and made new, so I am going to stop grumbling. This doesn’t mean I get it perfect every time, but this is something I keep in my toolbox.
5. Gratitude and Praise
The last tool I have for you is this idea of gratitude and praise. I talked a lot about praise with singing, but there are other ways of doing this as well. Sometimes things looking back can seem very small and silly, but in the moment it is very overwhelming, like my example of putting my baby to sleep.
I would pray to God to put my baby to sleep, but then I would have to be careful because I didn't want to be discouraged if it didn't happen. And sometimes I notice myself only praising God when I get what I ask for. Am I only praising God when it is good? Am I only praising God when he answers the way I want Him to answer? I don't want to have that habit in me because God is always good even if He answers differently.
I started praying in this way: “God thank you for this baby, thank you for helping him sleep, I pray he will go to sleep right now and sleep throughout the night. And even if he doesn't, you are still good and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I praise your name”.
If we can praise God when things are good and when things are bad that is going to really strengthen our spirit and we will literally be able to get through anything because God gives us that strength and He promises that. He is going to give us the breakthrough and the hope to get through.
Our job is just to praise Him. Which is a pretty amazing job. I am not sure if you have ever praised God, but it feels pretty good. You can tell that is how God made us because it feels so good. And we will stop treating Him like a genie in a bottle. Praising God allows us to not be downcast in those difficult seasons, but realizing God is good no matter what.
Now, I want to hear from you! What is something you will add to your toolbox that I did not talk about today? Comment below! Also, subscribe on any podcast platform.
Do you want to dive deeper? Sign up for the Pain to Peace Academy!
