Listen above for the entire episode on the Morning Mama Podcast!

Are you giving yourself the tender loving care that you pour into your children? Are you speaking life into yourself?

In this blog post, I’ll share how Restoration Theory can rewire your brain to help you better understand and take control of the continuous negative thoughts that keep seeping into your day to day life as a mom.

Are you often angry and don’t know why? Does anxiety keep creeping in? Do you feel alone even when you’re surrounded by others? Do you find yourself getting caught up in the victim mindset? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone! Keep reading as I will share personal examples from my own life of pain and journey to peace. I’m excited to teach you these four simple steps and help map out your path to peace.

Before we get into that, I want to introduce myself. My name is Brittany, I am wife, mom of 3 littles, church leader, and Marriage and Family Therapist turned coach. I run the Morning Mama Podcast where I get to help moms heal their minds and spirits so they can live the motherhood they were made for.

Let’s get started!

You deserve unconditional love for yourself!

We invest so much into our own children and we’re constantly working on their growth mindset. It’s about time we give that grace to ourselves too as moms and pour in healthy thoughts.

We want our children to have self confidence and the ability to empower themselves. Mama’s deserve that too! We teach them to be grateful for all things around them. Are we as mama’s taking the time to thank God each day for the smallest things, such as a bright sunny day?

We forget that so often our children are a reflection of how we’re doing. It’s so important, but you must start with yourself!

How are you speaking to yourself?
How do you need to speak to yourself?

Healthy people make good parents!

What do your thoughts sound like?

These narratives in our minds, the thoughts we allow, the mindsets we continuously find ourselves in contribute to how we are as a parent and how we show up as a wife. In order to grow in anything, it all begins from within.

If you could hook up a recorder to your brain to record an audio version of what’s happening in your brain throughout the day, what would it sound like? What kinds of thoughts are going through your head day after day, minute after minute?

What would be that overwhelming narrative? What would people hear? What would people think about how you see yourself? What would people think about how you see your situation?

It’s scary for most of us because our thoughts can get out of control, right? It’s easy for thoughts to head in the negative direction, whether it’s about ourselves or someone else, right?

It’s easy to go down that path. But the thing is, when we take the time to do that deeper work our mind can shift into more positive thoughts. Things from the inside affect how we show up each day. These narratives in our minds, these thoughts and mindsets contribute to what is going on in our own world. They affect how we are as a mom and a wife.

I invite you to revisit episodes 15 through 20 to learn more about Restoration Theory to dive deeper!

Pain Cycles

We all have wounds that have been created in us from our past. These are deeply rooted things that have been created in us and have happened throughout our life. Most of them start in childhood and stay. No one can escape being wounded, no matter how great our parents are, no matter how amazing an upbringing we had, we’re all going to be wounded in some way. This is because we are all human and we were raised by humans in a broken world.

The pain cycle draws you deeper and deeper into a black hole because you go from one pain to destructive coping

Two core ways we can get wounded

A violation of love (our identity): Have you ever felt unloved, unworthy, insignificant, alone, worthless, devalued, defective, inadequate, rejected, unacceptable unwanted, judged, unappreciated, hopeless, disrespected, or discouraged?

A violation of safety (trust): Do you feel insecure, unsure, used, guilty, helpless, powerless, out of control, controlled, vulnerable, disconnected, unknown, abandoned, a failure, invalidated, or not measuring up?

Some of my core wounds come from a violation of love, one being the feeling of being alone. If you’re feeling and thinking you’re alone, now you’re seeing everything through that lens. If you believe you’re alone, then no matter what people do around you to try and connect with you, you’re not going to see it because you believe you’re alone. So for example, if your husband’s trying to connect and you believe you’re alone, you’re going to dismiss all of that. This is because you’re looking for evidence to support what you already believe. You’ll use that to reinforce this current existing belief that you are alone.

Your brain is automatically doing this and finding what you’re looking for. It’s looking for ways to reinforce the belief that you are in fact alone. I’ve personally worked through this a lot. This is a narrative I’ve had in my own marriage. There were so many moments I believed I was alone, even though now I can see my husband was sitting there trying to connect with me, trying to be with me, and trying to love me in his own imperfect way.

Another one is not feeling good enough which is the feeling of inadequacy.

When we have core wounds that are unprocessed and unhealed, we’re not taking control of them. They are leading to immense destruction and allowing our thoughts to create untrue narratives.

Track yourself!

In every situation, conversation, conflict, or struggle, you can see how your pain cycle is at play and through Restoration Therapy you can find peace.

There is a path to PEACE!!!

I can help you learn biblically based Restoration Theory developed by Dr. Terry Hargrave in four simple steps through the Pain to Peace Academy.

These four steps create new neural pathways so you won’t continue falling into the same cycles of pain. Instead you’ll work to build new paths (like a trail in a forest). It’ll take effort to build that trail and maintain it. This is hard and it takes time, but if you are consistent, you will see a positive change.

Here’s the solution…Restoration Theory!

Name the feeling
Name what you would normally do
Name the truth
Name what you will do instead

Here’s an example of what it might look like:

One of my core wounds is ALONE. The way that I cope with that is I shame myself. The way that shows up for me is that I get anxious. So when I feel alone or inadequate, I go to my destructive coping, which is anxiety. The anxiety then leads to ruminating thoughts of “How did I mess up today?” Or “Maybe I’m not good enough.” This is what pain can look like and when we’re in our pain cycle we can spin out of control.

If I’m stuck in my core pain, painting the narrative that I’m alone and inadequate, I become stuck in anxiety. My brain is trying to help itself, but it doesn’t do the right things to do that and I find myself stuck.

I feel alone
I would normally get angry
But the truth is, I am never alone
So instead I am going to try and connect with my husband

The Victim Mindset

This might show up as being angry, sarcastic, arrogant, finding fault, harsh, impatient, aggressive, threatening, or withdrawing. It can be so easy to fall into this mindset believing our husband is the problem or believing culture is the problem. We can even find ourselves falling into the shaming mindset where we’re just believing we’re not good enough.

Time to Reflect: Where are these thoughts stemming from?

Your thoughts have a massive impact on how your day goes, so it’s essential to get them under control. I can help you! Learning to create your own personal four simple steps to process your pain is life changing. I’d encourage you to take a look at the free mini-course 4 Steps to Becoming a Peaceful Mama and join me in the Academy. There, we can work together through this process to create a happier and more fulfilling life that you deserve.

There’s a reason you’re here today reading this blog and I’m so glad you’ve hopped on! God, the creator of all things, gave us beautiful minds and the ability to think and grow. We are never stuck in one place with His guidance. He gave us the gift of neuroscience to learn and better shape our lives.

I pray that God gives you clarity on the thought patterns that need to change in your life so that you can enjoy the happiness that you deserve to have, Mama. We are never alone with God at our side. My prayer is that you will begin to see that you too don’t have to be stuck in old patterns anymore and it’s never too late to begin the journey to peace.

Now, I want to hear from you! What is the number one area that you’re struggling with? Comment below! Also, subscribe on any podcast platform.

Do you want to dive deeper?

Apply to join the Pain to Peace Academy today and join me on a journey to heal from your past, craft a healthy, joy-filled life, and discover the gifts and passions inside of you that the world needs!

Find us on Facebook @ Morning Mama Collective. Come join a group of like minded women supporting each other through all seasons of motherhood. Hope to see you there!